The before....

I am a blessed mother. I have endured much in the way of pregnancy and somehow I always seemed to make it through and have my happy bundle of joy to erase the agony and try again. That changed in August of 2008. I had just enrolled my middle child in kindergarten and was looking forward to having just my daughter at home for year to get some serious girls bonding in. Well right before he started school 8/14/08 to be exact, I decided I had been feeling a bit off of a few weeks and good ole aunt flow was late so I might as well pee on a stick! It was of course positive, very light positive but it was there. My hubby was out golfing and I was going crazy waiting for him to get home. Well that evening I blurted it out and we decided to keep it under wraps from the kids for a few weeks to let them get into the new school schedule first. Soon enough school started and thing were chugging along just fine until that Friday. I woke up and had some spotting so of course I freaked and my first thought miscarriage and second was, glad I didn't tell the kids! I called the dr and he said to go to the ER so I did and they did the usual, bloodtest, ultrasound, and exam. My hcg was pretty high already above 2500 and my exam showed a closed cervix. The u/s showed not much as to be expected so early. I left being told that I was about six wks and just take it easy and they didn't see much to worry about. Ok so I carried on and throughout the next week I had so much on and off pain, it was a gut wrenching take your breathe away pain. I went to the ER three times. Each time they sent me home saying nothing was wrong I was not miscarrying because hcg was doubling and was now well over 8000. I knew in my being that this was all wrong I knew something was not right.

On sept 7th 2008 I went to my sister twins birthday party. The whole time I was cramping and my belly was swollen. By this time everyone knew I was pregnant because according to the hospital I was nearly ten wks!! After the party my hubby had work but I asked him to stay with me for just a bit. I got my kiddos settled in and I ran a bath hoping the warm water would calm the cramps and help me sleep before he left. As soon as my body hit that water all I remember is a shock wave in my abs and crawling on the tile floor. The paramedics were there and I was in and out of it. I would inform them very wildly that I'm pregnant and I know something is wrong, then I'd pass back out or blank out. Within a few short minutes in was told it must be a tubal ectopic pregnancy because nothing is in my uterus but my numbers showed a viable pregnancy at least 9 wks along somewhere in my body. Huh?? I was confused and shocked. Before I knew I was rushed into the operating room and woke up after surgery and was told, "you lost a lot of blood When we opened you up your abdomen was a pool of blood and we found a rather large cyst on your ovary and removed it" ok so what about the pregnancy? The recovery nurse told me that most pregnancy can't survive an early surgery like this and that my doctor would follow up with me and follow the pregnancy. So I left that same night confused, am I still pregnant? What the heck just happened?

Five days later I kept using home pregnancy tests and they were of course positive. This kinda gave me hope. I had a follow up with the Dr and that day will forever be etched in my mind. I walked in and she (who our family knew well as she had delivered my sisters twins) looked at me, greeted my sister and blurted out that the cyst they removed from my ovary contained the "products of pregnancy" so I said...does that mean I'm not pregnant? I got the standard duh look and was explained to that it was a medical anomaly and that it's very rare and I should be grateful my tubes were not affected and my ovary too. I WAS DEVISTATED!!!!! I walked around, well hobbled around for two wks after surgery assuming I was still pregnant. So now the grieving began. It's never ended either. Ovarian ectopic pregnancy the medical term for what stole a piece of me, sept 8, 2008!